This week’s RHOBH was rather dull and boring, especially after all that time we waited from last time.
I would have had this recap up sooner, but alas, real life gets in the way and my Monday nights are plagued by responsibilities. Nevertheless, I have caught up and am totes ready to give my two cents.
Brandi Walks Away
The episode picks up where the last one left off: Kyle’s dinner party where Faye Resnick is still wielding a knife, ready to stab until…until…well, I’m not really sure why Faye continues to harp on Brandi or what she’s hoping to accomplish. Maybe for Brandi to send flowers to Adrienne. I don’t know.
Anyway, Brandi, sometimes a smart cookie, leaves the dinner party very distraught. Two face Kyle jumps from the round table and tackles through a football team of help and cooks to annoyingly follow her. Brandi keeps walking away as Kyle follows her down the street. She obviously is not interested in talking to Kyle or to further the attention on her.
But Kyle insists that she feels bad that this all happened at her dinner party. Sooooo what does that mean? If it happened at Lisa’s, you would have tag teamed with Faye? As if Kyle really cares. She should be the one taking responsibility. Wasn’t she the one who went to dinner with Faye and told the talking parrot what to repeat at the dinner table? I hope Brandi understands that.
Anyway, there’s some crying and more statements repeated like “It’s none of her business” and “I just don’t want to talk about it.” There’s some shots of the dinner table with Lisa and Faye and more “She is such a bad person” and “It’s really none of your business.” Things we’ve been hearing a lot of.
That scene finally ends…and we’re quite over it since it happened…like a million weeks ago.
We move on to Taylor. She starts the little segment by saying something along the lines of “I’ve been really busy so I don’t have the time or energy to care about the drama that happened yesterday.” Busy as in
dating a married lawyer figuring her life out.
To aid in the fight, she enlists the help of a medium. And this scene is in no way new to a Bravo viewer. If I had a dollar for every time we saw a psychic medium on one of these shows I’d have
a million like twenty dollars. So it’s the typical routine. The medium is weird and walks around the house with chants. She sits down with Taylor and there’s some shots of Taylor looking extremely constipated concerned. I am just loving these cross outs today.
She asks if the courts will suck her dry or if a settlement will be reached. The psychic does this weird thing where she asks a father? or something whether or not there will be court. Then the spirit slaps her with the yes or no answer. Her head whips to the side or up. This happens a few times and the end result is that no, there will be no court. A settlement will be reached. Phew, Taylor says.
Ahhh, the yoga scene. As a yogi myself, I enjoyed the fact that yoga was brought up, but then again heartbroken. We notice that no yoga will actually be done because Kyle’s hair is polished and shining in a half-up half-down do. And if you practice yoga, you know that that shit doesn’t fly. It gets all over the place.
Anyway, yoga is a perfect excuse to invite Marisa over, who were are seeing a lot of and whose face vaguely reminds me of Cruella Deville. That’s besides the point. They are not there to stretch and breathe; they are there to talk about the drama that happened at the dinner party. Kyle admits that she thinks Brandi is not truly sorry. Marisa says that she thinks Brandi is a cool girl. She was really nice to her at dinner and they bonded over talking about their children. Good for you, Marisa, to say what you truly think.
We get a little interview of Faye (ugh why?) saying that “she’s not buying Brandi’s apology.” Since when was it her place to buy anything? What does she have to do with anything? Go home, Faye.
Marisa also got a interview…are they just giving those interviews away at Bravo? Where can I pick up mine?
The yoga instructor scolds Kyle and Marisa for not truly being into their workout. The girls giggle because they are just oh so silly gals gossiping all cute. I wonder how much he’s getting paid to stand there.
Is it Cold in Here?
Lisa and Brandi — BFFLs– go shopping. Brandi picks out a pretty trashy sparkly skirt that doesn’t look like it’d go over the butt and her nipples might as well have interviews of their own because they are popping out so much that Bravo had to blur them out. But that has always been Brandi’s style and, like I’ve said before, with Brandi, you know what to expect.
So here’s the plug for Lisa’s new show. Lisa wants Brandi to sit down with Scheana, Shana?, Scheena? and talk about the cheating scandal. Brandi doesn’t know if she should do it. A simple, short scene.
Now we check in with Taylor again. The medium is right! The lawsuit can be settled, but the lawyer (AKA married man boyfriend at the time just ‘friends’) says that Taylor needs to give up her wedding ring and two really expensive bags that I just can’t remember the name of. She is heartbroken by this news and tears up. She asks her lawyer if she can let him know in a couple days. And he says, “yeah that’s fine, they just want to know by tomorrow.” Okay, awkward.
Perfect Mom Award
Yolanda! How I’ve missed my Yolands. Yolands is playing the perfect housewife as always, looking great doing it. She says her daughter can’t do volleyball because she’s got to focus on modeling. I could see how people would not like this statement. But I kinda have to agree with her. Her daughter is such model material. It’s a tricky thing not to ruin that. But like everyone wants me to say… “stop controlling your daughter,” “let her live dammit,” and the like. David Foster talks about how much he loves Yolands and how she takes care of him. I would too if I lived like that.
That’s all we got from Yolands. She’s pretty much just out of the loop and doing her own thing in her gigantic house.
Adrienne and Paul Working Together
Is it just me or does anyone feel SO AWKWARD watching Adrienne and Paul on screen? It gives me so much anxiety! I’m not sure if it’s because of all the things that are happening now like the divorce and lies or if they are just truly awkward. My roommate, who knows nothing of the show, asked if Paul was Adrienne’s ex husband. That was a mess to explain, but even so, that proves that they just do not seem in love. The smiles on the camera ain’t fooling anyone.
So, Adrienne and Paul are coming up with this face stuff that Adrienne uses on her face and wants to give it to the public… as if anyone would ever want their face to look like something that came out of Lord of the Rings. Just saying, lay off of it Adrienne. Anyway, she says a little more about Brandi in her interview. Whatevs.
Dinner and Drinks
Kyle, Adrienne, and Taylor plus their men (lawyer boyfriend/just friends included) sit down for dinner. Taylor announces she gave up her ring and bags. The ladies make a point that it’s not about material things. Yeah…right.
Now, the moment we’ve all been waiting for. I feel a little guilty because I feel like I owe you more. I feel like I need to say more than I’m going to say because this moment has been blown up so much. But the Brandi and Scheana scene just sucked so much! The bridge to Vanderpump Rules sucked so much! I absolutely hated everything from this point on.
Brandi basically rocks the confrontation and Scheana tries playing the “I was in love with him!” card. I’m really proud of Brandi’s strength here and I don’t even know her. If this had all happened to me, I’d be crying in the corner. But Brandi has truly accepted it, is willing to face it whenever, and move on. My favorite line is when she basically says, look at us. I’m the one who’s doing a lot better in life. I have my own thoughts on how cheesy, unclassy, and desperate Scheana comes off, but I’ll save us the time.
But how old is Scheana? She seriously looks 15.
This is when things get awkward. After the confrontation and everything is deemed okay, music starts playing. Music with words…UM WHAT? Since when has the housewives played anything with words? And it’s cheesy, too. It’s so awkward! And then you know what’s going to happen when the camera does not follow Brandi, but follows Scheana who talks to Lisa. Lisa brings up SUR and Vanderpump Rules begins.
Because I was still finishing eating some crackers with spreadable cheese wedges, I did sit through the first ten minutes. The music is annoying. The atmosphere is annoying. The drama is fake…and annoying. The people? Annoying. Thanks, but no thanks. I’m really not into it and I will not be watching this show. Bring back the housewives! Take these kids to the dump.
This episode was very slow moving. Nothing really happened. The confrontation with Brandi and Scheana was the highlight and it was pretty inspiring to watch Brandi hand it to her. But the segway to Lisa’s show completely ruined it and made the whole housewives franchise look really, really dumb.